He's here

You know those moments when you simply long to hear God's voice whisper into your ear? To feel Him so tangibly that you know He's right next to you, walking beside you and living in your heart each moment? That's what I've been desiring more than ever lately.

The other day I felt Him put a question on my mind...

"Sweet daughter, who or what makes you come alive?" He asked.

And then He told me, "Annie, it's me :) I make you come alive. I make you who you are." I wrote it down as soon as He pressed it on my heart and I haven't been able to stop smiling about it since.

It lit me up because, in that moment, it was as if I could sense the huge smile behind His voice and the love in His tone. He is such a personal God, desiring more than anything to meet with His children so that we might experience Him for who He truly is and be forever changed. And He makes us exactly who we are, who we're supposed to be. 

He's the one who has captured my heart and soul. Just spending time with Him revives me from my lifeless, dull, wretched state without Him. He literally gives me life. He's my joy and my sustainment. No matter my insecurities or the expectations I sometimes feel to be someone that I'm not, He is the one who has made me who I am and is shaping and molding me constantly. He's here :) 

lethal weapons

Today my time in the Word was incredibly encouraging. I was reading from 2 Chronicles 20. Here's some background of the story...

The Moabites, Ammonites and Meunites are coming against Jehoshaphat and his people for a battle. Jehoshaphat cries out to the Lord because he knows that they are basically about to face defeat, doomed to be utterly crushed by the opposing armies. "...For we are powerless against this great horde that is coming against us..." (part of verse 12). Yet, Jehoshaphat continues, "We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you".

The spirit of the Lord then comes upon them and says (vs. 17), "Do not be afraid and do not be dismayed at this great horde, for the battle is not yours but God's... You will not need to fight in this battle. Stand firm, hold your position and see the salvation of the Lord on your behalf, O Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid and do not be dismayed (emphasizing it for a second time). Tomorrow go out against them, and the Lord will be with you. Then Jehoshaphat bowed his head with his face to the ground, and all Judah and the inhabitants of Jerusalem fell down before the Lord, worshiping the Lord. And the Levites, of the Koharthites and the Korahites, stood up to praise the Lord, the God of Israel, with a very loud voice" (this ends verse 19). The next morning, as they headed out before the army, "they began to sing and praise" (vs. 21). Sing and worship! How crazy is that! They know they're about to go into a war in which they and all their families will almost certainly be slaughtered, facing weapons, large masses of enemies, bloodshed, and more. Yet they're simply praising! Praising in battle! I wonder what an experience that must've been! Their front line soldiers as worship leaders :) Meanwhile, as Jehoshaphat and his people are lifting up songs to the Father, the Lord begins to set an ambush against the opposing men and "none had escaped" (vs. 24).

THEY WON! Yet to think that their only weapons were praise and thankfulness!?! I love this! It's the most timely, sweet, humbling reminder from the Lord. He gently whispers to me that I need not one thing for the battles I face in this life except worship for Him and a heart brimming with thankfulness. He will do the rest. He has already won! I may not know what to do, just like Jehoshaphat, but I must simply keep my eyes steadily fixed on Him. There's no need to even fight, when my King, the Alpha and the Omega, has already given me the weapon of bowing low before Him and worshipping Him to unleash at any moment :) Thank you, Jesus for these most lethal, yet precious weapons :)

come to the well

Hello again :) I feel like every time I've been prompted or desiring to write a blog lately, I can't formulate the words quite the right way so that they don't seem depressing... so I just haven't, for the most part. And I apologize in advance if this is what this blog seems like :) It's not that life has been depressing lately- because with Jesus, our hope is always unchanging. In fact, I've felt God's joy more tangibly in my heart in the midst of mourning over these past few weeks than ever before, probably contrary to what the world would call real joy. Every which way I turn, my eyes are just opened more and more to the hurt and pain that this world of sin brings. So when this happens, the Lord fixes my heart and perspective on Him.

It seems like there are SO many sobering examples around me right now of how fleeting this life is and how Jesus is the ONLY thing that matters. These are just glimpses of the stories of what a few beloved children of our King have been going through:

It was not even a month ago that my dear sister Jocelyn committed suicide and left behind her precious mom, dad and little sister, trying to pick up the shattered pieces and cling to the Lord in the midst of overwhelming pain and many doubts.

Shawna, an amazing woman and friend of my family in Oregon is battling for her life every day against stage 4 colon cancer on behalf of her three beautiful children and loving husband, when there seems to be little hope left and tumors have spread over her entire body.

Brian, a long-standing coworker of my mom and a gentle husband and father to a young daughter, has begun the fight against bone marrow cancer. He's already in the hospital so that he can have a transplant immediately.

Every day I watch my coworkers struggle trying to fill the void in their lives that the Lord created (for Himself) with partying, drinking, drugs, sex, you name it. This week one of my coworkers came back to work so drunk that she was unrecognizable, like a vulnerable little puppy, and went wandering around to go home and sleep with the older man who paid for all of her drinks.

My brother's favorite teacher, who he's had the past two years in high school, unexpectedly died this Wednesday night. She leaves behind her husband, three grown children and spouses, parents and grandparents. She was one of the most loved, fun, inspiring teachers I've ever met and the proof lies in the fact that my brothers and his friends hung out in her classroom almost every spare moment. Last night I watched my amazing little brother, normally so strong and somewhat void of emotion, break into unrelenting tears. It KILLED me and I could not hold it together seeing him like that.

Doctors just found an unknown type of brain tumor on my mom's pituitary gland, which they believe must be surgically removed within the next month or two.

One of my amazing friends/sisters is watching her family and parents being torn apart right now, and yet she has no control or ability to heal what only God can heal.

And the stories just keep on going. I can't help but feel a heaviness in my heart, yet place the weight all at the Savior's feet.

On my way home from work Monday night, right after my drunk coworker was fired, I let the tears slowly roll down my face as I was thinking about the broken, hopeless, purposeless condition of so many on this earth. The fact that people all throughout the world and in my life live without my Jesus EVERY single day. I don't know how I could survive a day, let alone a minute without Him. They don't know Him, yet He loves them more than can be fathomed. My ipod was on shuffle in my car that afternoon and a song called The Well by Casting Crowns came on (that I actually had never listened to before), the lyrics talking about leaving all else behind to come to the well just as we are, where Jesus awaits. We're all broken, hurt, thirsty, hungry people and Jesus is the one person who can fill us, quench our burning desire for something more. Who can refresh us with His life-giving water, His living presence. Oh how I want to come to the well each moment. He's done all the work and has all we need, no matter how long we keep searching elsewhere. And even thinking on the stories listed above, I come to Him, to the well, praying on my knees and face, crying out for these people. For them to meet with Jesus at the well, where the Lords waits eagerly, ready to supply and fill them to the brim with whatever they may need. Whether that be comfort, healing, salvation, rest, a loving touch, peace, joy or all of these combined.

These worship songs listed below (including The Well) have been so life-giving to my soul lately. So I thought I'd include them here. I listened to You Revive Me and Sing Along over and over again after we got the call about Jocelyn. The words couldn't ring more true of our King. He is the one to revive us when we come to the well.

"My soul alone is thirsty, only You can satisfy. You are the well that never will run dry. And I'll praise You for the blessing, for calling me Your friend. In Your name I'm lifting, I'm lifting up my hands. You breathe on me, You revive me Lord. All my deserts are rivers of joy. You are the treasure I could not afford. So I'll spend myself until I'm empty and poor. All for You. You revive me, Lord."


You Revive Me by Christy Nockles
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_kdnuKnRjQE

Sing Along by Christy Nockles
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pXOAA0dNjPk

The Well by Casting Crowns
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FA8UNaGKRhY

His goodness

"Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose". Romans 8:26-28

Through many recent events, the Lord has been showing me more about His goodness than ever before. This goodness that I talk about is not altered based on any circumstance, or even evil for that matter. It is unchanging. Unending. True. Trustworthy. And good, even in the darkest of hours. It sounds like a no-brainer that God's goodness is good, but when I stop to think about it, I'm still amazed. He is good, not only for His own purposes, but also to His children. No matter what we may go through on this earth, God's love remains steadfast. He will never fail us or leave us.

I cling to this truth during very difficult news. Exactly two weeks ago today, a beautiful, vibrant, loving, precious sister tried to take her own life. Her name is Jocelyn- the very name that God gave her before He formed her in her mom's womb 17 years ago. After two days in the hospital, Jocelyn finally got to run into the loving arms of Jesus and I know that He's holding her now.

"Nevertheless, I am continually with you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will receive me to glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you." Psalm 73:23-25

(Our last morning with Jocelyn. We played and sang worship songs together.)

(Beautiful Joc <3)

(My favorite picture of Jocelyn as just a baby with her momma Jaletta, yet the hardest one to look at without fighting back the tears)

(Garrett, Jocelyn, my mom and me)

Hearing this news has shaken my world, as well as my family's, but most of all, Jocelyn's family. My heart is overwhelmed, completely broken. These few weeks have seemed to have passed by in a fog. I lack the ability to understand this situation or to bear the weight of the pain and loss, especially that Joc's family is feeling. My heart and my soul ache... that she was in that much pain, that I wasn't there and didn't do more, that she's gone, that her family is forever incomplete on this earth... and so many other things. Yet I am again reminded of the Lord's nearness and goodness. His touch and His presence can't be mistaken. His love is so tender and abounding- He's knows every single need of His children, every hurt and joy. His faithfulness is unending. His sovereignty stands firm. His strength is made perfect in weakness. He is Love.

He understands all and He has a plan even through this. After all, Jocelyn belonged to Him, as her own Heavenly Father, her Daddy, her Creator, her Savior. I can't imagine how much God's heart must've been breaking and weeping as He saw His beautiful daughter in so much pain and giving up hope. Yet He knows best of all how it felt to give up His own beloved son, Jesus Christ, so that we might have life. 

It's amazing to already see God's handiwork in the midst of devastation that I cannot comprehend. Jocelyn saved three lives with her organs. And more than just physical lives, spiritual lives are being changed and saved- the most important of all. Thousands of kids who knew Jocelyn heard God's message of love at her memorial and many people are coming to know Jesus as their Savior through this. He is drawing to Himself even close family members of Jocelyn's. From all the way across the country from where she lived, 50+ jr highers gathered in prayer for her this past week at our church and were broken and touched, reminded of the reality of eternity and our need for the One Love that satisfies. My heart is more passionate than ever and filled with joy to love Jesus with every bit of my being and to love people. What a GOOD God. Thank you, Lord. And thank you for forever holding Jocelyn in your arms of love. I can't wait to see her again when I finally get to meet you face to face. Yet I know that the pain of her absence will never cease, and I must trust You to carry her precious family every step of the way. They need You more than ever before, sweet Jesus. So desperately, so earnestly, every moment. Please please uphold them and wrap Your loving arms around them. Give them each next breath and the strength when they feel as if they're crumbling. Overwhelm them with Your comfort in the deepest corners of their hearts. Please shower them with You, with Your nearness, Your touch, Your love. Oh precious Lord, I lack the words of what to say or pray or cry out. But You know, you intercede on their behalf. Thank you Father.

"Christ Jesus is the one who died- more than that, who was raised- who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?... For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord". Romans 8:34-35b and 38-39

if only I were a coffee drinker...

Well, it's after 2:30 am in the morning and considering my full day tomorrow, I definitely shouldn't be writing a blog post right now, but I need a tiny break from my study session :) So I thought, well I may as well write! I still have SO much to study before tomorrow (a bio exam, along with chemistry and spanish quizzes await me), but I'm still just trying to focus on the fact that the Lord's strength will not fail me and mentally pump myself up to keep on going, haha. It's times like these that I wish I was a coffee drinker... the only problems are 1) that I don't like the taste of coffee (kind of essential) without atleast three-fourths of it being creamer and 2) the few times that I've actually sucked down a cup or two, the caffeine seems to have no affect on my body. Double bummer. So instead, I'm drinking Chai tea and listening to Leona Lewis and Coldplay- trying to keep myself awake and my brain active enough to retain any sort of information that I can. Lord help me! I feel like I'm sort of falling apart at the seams physically and mentally- definitely an exhausted mess. I still haven't unpacked from our Oregon family/Pure Rebellion trip two and half weeks ago, I have yet to get any laundry done, more than a couple hours of sleep each night or any motivation to look remotely presentable. But I'm so thankful for the sweet times of reliance on the Lord that even these somewhat silly, yet difficult moments of physical weakness can produce. Thank you, Lord, that even when I feel like I'm falling apart, you hold every atom of my body together and you preserve my entire being. I'm so thankful and humbled by Your faithfulness!

"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock." Isaiah 26:3-4


"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalm 73:26


"'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.. for when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9 and 10b

home sweet home

I am a true Colorado girl at heart. I couldn't be more blessed than to have lived here for 16 years. I may be a California girl by birth, but this is my home sweet home :) Well, my earthly home at least :) Now, don't get me wrong, I love California too. Especially because of the ocean! But I can't imagine living anywhere else, unless God called me away from here. No matter where I go, I always know I'm "home" when I see those huge Colorado mountains in the horizon and the clearest of blue skies. And that's how I picture feeling when I someday reach my true heavenly home with Jesus, getting to run into His loving, everlasting arms. That is my real home, the place that my soul longs to be :)

But while God still has me here, I'm blessed beyond belief to rejoice in each beautiful day that He gives me. It's been cold and snowy all weekend long, which I absolutely LOVE! There's something so comforting and home-like about getting to wake up to a winter wonderland- all of the trees and mountains glistening with what looks like crystal, fluffy, powdered sugar. It's one of my favorite things :) I always get the same feeling of excitement and awe when I see a beautiful, white canvas of snow, like a little girl waiting for Christmas morning to approach. It's as if I get to watch the Lord paint the sky and earth with all of His magnificence and creativity. Every wet snow flake that brushes against my cold face is a drop of His paint :) I think it's one of the most breathtaking sights and experiences! So I just loved it today! I couldn't stop peering through the foggy windows to the white-washed outdoors and thinking about how great the Lord is. Isn't it funny how something so simple, like God's gift of snow, can make us step back in awe of Him and still ourselves? 

vision

It may sound kind of lame, but I love school. I really enjoy studying, learning new things, challenging myself and applying myself (besides all of the people I get the opportunity to meet and interact with). Call me a nerd or what you will haha :) But yes, even though school can get really stressful at times, I love being a student. And of course, not just being a student in school, but with the Lord, as a daughter, sister, friend, etc. I think I've finally been learning this about myself lately. That I don't do things like oooh and aaah at all of the high-tech chemistry/research labs at school and stay up studying until 3am for exams for no reason- first of all, it's because I want to serve the Lord with excellence in everything I do, including my education (although there's a fine line between that and my attempt at perfectionism, which is definitely not healthy and something God's been breaking me of lately). But I'm also beginning to realize I do these things because He's made me passionate about being a student- that He has specifically placed a love within me for learning. I know that probably seems like a no-brainer and you'd figure that I'd know that after almost 19 years of life, but I haven't ever thought about it being unique to who God's specifically made me because being a student is just what's expected in our culture. But the way that the Lord has intricately shaped us each is for His divine purpose to bring Himself glory. I never want to dismiss or forget that.

All of this has led me to alot of thinking and prayer. I've been asking the Lord for direction in this season, as far as what to do with my education and career path. Even though I honestly have no clue about where He's leading me, I'm so overjoyed and excited for this journey that I get to have with Jesus every day! With Jesus! My very Savior! The risen one! Oh how exciting! The most incredible, adventurous, fulfilling life possible. Sometimes I think about what it must've been like for the disciples during their three years spent with Jesus on the earth. They probably never knew where they were going or what miracles Jesus was going to do (whether in their lives or others'), but I imagine they must've learned to expectantly and eagerly approach each day in light of getting to spend it following our amazing King. Whether Jesus was preaching to hundreds of people, healing the woman who bled for twelve years with the mere touch of His hem, restoring sight to the blind, calming a huge storm and literally stopping the wind and waves with the power of His word, feeding five thousand with five loaves and two fish, casting out legions of demons from the possessed, or just spending time with the disciples and gazing up at the beautiful stars that He placed in the sky and specifically named, I can only imagine how incredible of a journey it was to simply be with Him. And that's exactly what we get to do every day with Him as believers- be with Him! He's been reminding me of that alot this week and how AMAZING it is to even know Him, to know His love. Tragically, so many people don't. I can't imagine what life would be like without the hope and saving grace of Jesus. When talking with one of my coworkers last night about God, she made a comment that seeing the joy, love and genuine faith that I have in my life (which are only from the Lord) make her want to become more of a Christian. I was so incredibly humbled, excited and shocked to hear that. I wanted to jump up and down and tell her "Yes! Yes! You do want to know Jesus! He's the person most worth getting to know and He will completely change your life!". Although I didn't get to say it in those exact words, our conversation was definitely a divine appointment and I trust that the Lord's planting seeds of His love in her heart :) Anyway, all this made me think of how blessed I am to know Jesus Christ as my Savior and get to spend every day with Yahweh. There is nothing I could ever possibly do to measure up to God's standard or get to Him on my own. It's only by His grace, mercy and blood that I am able to have relationship with Him, which is nothing short of miraculous. 

So no matter where the Lord ends up directing me, I'm excited just to get to grow in Him, worship Him and love Him more every day. My prayer is that I would reflect Him with my entire life. I've also recently been reading a book called Sun Stand Still by Steven Furtick (the title's based on the story of Joshua's faith to ask God to stop the sun in order to win a battle in the conquest of Canaan- super crazy and challenging!). When I came across one statement in particular, it literally made me stop dead in my tracks. He states, "if the size of your vision for your life isn't intimidating to you, there's a good chance it's insulting to God". Woah. This totally convicted my heart and made me ponder about my vision for my life compared to the Lord's. How many times does God tell us about His power to do exceedingly, abundantly, above all in His Word? How many times does He talk about having faith? That nothing is impossible with Him? Aton. So you may be asking what this has to do with my whole spiel about being a student. Well, basically everything. I never want to limit the Lord in all of His might, power and creativity with my own puny-minded thoughts and prayers, including in my schooling. So I'm asking Him to give me even the faith of a mustard seed. The faith to believe and pray boldly in faith for whatever He may want to do through the broken vessel that I am and wherever He may want to lead me. I long to trust Him for the impossible.

I want to trust Him that He could provide the means and the knowledge it would take to get into medical school and become a doctor or surgeon, if that's what He desires. That He could make a way to send me to the poor and parentless in other countries. That He could lead me through law school to become a lawyer, advocating for the mistreated and the falsely accused. That He could use me as a journalist and photographer to share His truth or as a teacher in the lives of underprivileged youth. The possibilities with the Lord are limitless and I pray that I can trust in His vision for my life with Him :) 

unfailing hope

"For to the end we toil and strive, because we have our hope set on the living God" 2 Timothy 4:10a.


"He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and He will deliver us. On Him we have set our hope that He will deliver us again" 2 Corinthians 1:10.


"And now, O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in You" Psalm 39:7.


"According to His great mercy, He has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead"1 Peter 3b.

What is this unfailing hope? According to Titus 2:13-14, our "blessed hope" is the "appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave Himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for Himself a people for His own possession who are zealous for good works".

I don't know what I would do without this hope that the Lord brings to my life. HE is my unfailing hope, the reason that I can live abundantly. I'm so thankful! He's the very reason for my joy, zest for life, love, wholeness, worship and my hope.

This song by Aaron Shust (My Hope Is In You), which I've been listening to a bunch lately, sums it up perfectly. Lord, may this be my heart's song to You all the days of my life! What a glorious hope we have in You!

be still

"Be still, and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10

I absolutely love this piece of scripture :) Boy is it difficult sometimes! Yet it's such a simple, clear-cut command from the Lord. This verse has been implanted on my heart for several years and I think of the words quite often. I usually pray in my times of solitude with the Lord that He would show me how to truly be still before Him:

to stop everything else,
to lay all distractions aside,
to give Him my undivided heart for cleansing and filling,
to think/meditate on Him,
to realize what it means that He is GOD of the universe, so holy and true,
and to love Him in response to seeing Him in light of who He is.

Yet, even still, I so often fail to remain in this attitude that God has called us to, especially in the business of life. Obviously He understands where He's placed us in life, that we must go about daily routines, and live purposely and intentionally. But He still calls us to be still before Him. So how does that work? Well, I don't have that exact answer, but I do feel that the Lord's teaching me more of this every day, no matter how tough.

Let me explain... I am a doer. A go-getter. I don't want to waste the life that Jesus has given me idly sitting around, if that makes sense. I'm incredibly passionate to be out in the world, living for Him, loving Him, loving others, sharing His good news- basically doing and pouring out. But there has to be that balance between doing and just being (filled and still before God) like in Psalm 46:10. It's not hard to imagine why I can struggle with this and the evidence is quickly seen in my personality and decisions.

I have a really tough time saying no to any ministry opportunities.
I usually don't take time to rest unless told to.
I often stretch myself way to thin and try to take on an amount of things that are just plain humanly impossible.

God sure has been changing this in me lately... and at first by force. I'm so thankful though! He knows exactly who I am (from the inside out) so He knows that I can be quite determined and stubborn. It's not that I don't like rest or stillness. In fact, I completely CHERISH my solitude with Him and that's where I draw my strength from. It is like air to my lungs- totally essential. It's why I try to begin each day with an unlimited time amount given to Him and spent before Him. Although others would probably consider me pretty outgoing, a people-person and very talkative, I thrive on my recharge sessions alone and with Jesus. My parents talk about how funny it is that I've always been this way, even from the time of infancy- very pensive, one who ponders things deeply in my heart and loves times of silence/stillness.

Recently He has been slowing my pace again and telling me not to do- just to be still, to rest in Him, to love Him with everything, to know that He is God (like I mentioned in another blog post). It's definitely been difficult, but the needed refreshment to my soul. I have been more physically exhausted and in pain than ever before- my body just doesn't seem to allow me to do the things that I normally could. But I know this is no accident. It's all the Lord. I've not only been physically depleted, but somewhat spiritually, emotionally and mentally as well. In my lack of my own strength, Jesus reminds me that He IS my strength, that He demands to be my strength. He's the only one who can carry me through. And I can only fully trust Him and love Him when I come to Him in my inadequacy and brokenness. Because it's then that He's able to fill me and make me whole again.
"Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick... For I came not to call the righteous, but sinners." Matthew 9:12 & 13b

I love the beautiful picture of the sinful woman who came to the Pharisee's house and sat before Jesus, weeping and wiping His feet with her tears, hair and ointment from an alabaster flask (Luke 7), which was probably the most expensive thing that she had to her name. What a mighty display and example of what Psalm 46:10 looks like in action! I long to worship my Heavenly Father in this way and to sit humbly and simply before His feet, giving Him my most prized treasures. Lord, would You teach me to still myself before You like the woman in Luke 7 and know that You are God. Would You remove the things that hold me back from doing this in my everyday life and break what You see fit in me so that I may be still and love You more.

the name above all names

I just started a new bible study that I'm super excited about! It's Beth Moore's Jesus study through the book of Luke, called 90 Days with the One and Only. Just what my soul has been thirsting for- an in-depth study all about Jesus, His character and His life. My precious Jesus. Words can never adequately capture my love for Jesus. He is absolutely everything to me, the very dearest person in my life; the one who I long to seek, love, worship, obey and give everything to. In fact, without Him I am nothing at all.

The more I get to know Him, the more I'm captivated by Him and the less I want of myself. His love and entire being are too huge, wide and deep to grasp. I can't possibly wrap my puny little mind around His magnificence and power. Even the sound of His name evokes such a tenderness, sweetness and love in my heart unlike any other. Jesus. The very name that signifies my salvation! One above all other names. One that's universally understood regardless of language. One that saves souls destined for death. One that some despise and use in vain. One that defined the history of this world. One that has all victory, glory and honor. One to which every knee will bow and tongue confess one day soon.

I can't imagine the magnitude of when Gabriel told Mary, "You are to give Him the name Jesus" (Luke 1:31). What must it have been like to hear the very first proclamation of our Savior's name since the beginning of time? The name of the Son to come humbly in the form of a servant to save the lost by bearing the weight of all sin and God's wrath on a cross, then to rise again and give us life! Oh how I thank you, my dear Jesus! My thankfulness could never be enough to measure up to what You deserve, but I give you all of my life, all that I have.

got it all together?

I'm one who often struggles with letting my guard down, besides with the Lord and my precious family. I believe that God has made me to be an encourager of others (it's something that He's engrained in my heart and that I'm passionate about because I desire to love people with His love), yet I have the hardest time wanting to be the one to lay burdens on others. So most of the time I just try to hold it all together and not let on that I may be hurting deep inside or going through a tough season. It's not that I don't want to be genuine or transparent with others- not that AT ALL actually. I love people that are that way and find it to be such a beautiful trait! Especially when the joy of the Lord is visible in the midst of their pain. So it's my honest desire and my heart. But it can still be so tough for me because of not wanting to be a weight for others (and often, most people just don't ask anyway, besides my closest friends- probably because it always seems like I'm fine). But I know the flip side as well haha... because I consider it a huge blessing to be able to share others' burdens and lift up their struggles to the Lord with them. I've been pondering all of this recently and was so comforted by the sweet touch of my momma's loving words, encouragement, and embrace last night. I'm SO thankful for her, my dad, and my brothers. Besides Jesus, they know me the best of anyone, from the inside out. They're able to see right through me to my heart with just a glance and I'm overwhelmed by their continual love, encouragement and support, which reminds me of the Lord in His constant love.

It makes me remember how much He knows us each personally and intimately. He not only formed our hearts, but He also sees into them and searches them every day. He peers deep inside, looking for hurts, wounds, worries, blemishes, sins, joys, meditations, thankfulness, faith- and He knows exactly what we're experiencing at all times (whether it be spiritually, emotionally, physically or mentally). He is the biggest comfort, corrector and encouragement- the One whose Fatherly embrace lets us sink into His arms and chest with our full weight. I'm so thankful that I can run to Him and know that I don't have to appear to have it all together, because I most certainly don't. HE's the only One who holds me together, even on the tiniest level, holding every cell in my body together. He knows all and He loves without bounds. Even in the midst of the storms, He is so near. And even when we may think He is sleeping (like when Jesus was in the boat with His disciples on the Sea of Galilee), His control has never ceased and His comforting presence has not left. Thank you Jesus!