His goodness

"Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose". Romans 8:26-28

Through many recent events, the Lord has been showing me more about His goodness than ever before. This goodness that I talk about is not altered based on any circumstance, or even evil for that matter. It is unchanging. Unending. True. Trustworthy. And good, even in the darkest of hours. It sounds like a no-brainer that God's goodness is good, but when I stop to think about it, I'm still amazed. He is good, not only for His own purposes, but also to His children. No matter what we may go through on this earth, God's love remains steadfast. He will never fail us or leave us.

I cling to this truth during very difficult news. Exactly two weeks ago today, a beautiful, vibrant, loving, precious sister tried to take her own life. Her name is Jocelyn- the very name that God gave her before He formed her in her mom's womb 17 years ago. After two days in the hospital, Jocelyn finally got to run into the loving arms of Jesus and I know that He's holding her now.

"Nevertheless, I am continually with you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will receive me to glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you." Psalm 73:23-25

(Our last morning with Jocelyn. We played and sang worship songs together.)

(Beautiful Joc <3)

(My favorite picture of Jocelyn as just a baby with her momma Jaletta, yet the hardest one to look at without fighting back the tears)

(Garrett, Jocelyn, my mom and me)

Hearing this news has shaken my world, as well as my family's, but most of all, Jocelyn's family. My heart is overwhelmed, completely broken. These few weeks have seemed to have passed by in a fog. I lack the ability to understand this situation or to bear the weight of the pain and loss, especially that Joc's family is feeling. My heart and my soul ache... that she was in that much pain, that I wasn't there and didn't do more, that she's gone, that her family is forever incomplete on this earth... and so many other things. Yet I am again reminded of the Lord's nearness and goodness. His touch and His presence can't be mistaken. His love is so tender and abounding- He's knows every single need of His children, every hurt and joy. His faithfulness is unending. His sovereignty stands firm. His strength is made perfect in weakness. He is Love.

He understands all and He has a plan even through this. After all, Jocelyn belonged to Him, as her own Heavenly Father, her Daddy, her Creator, her Savior. I can't imagine how much God's heart must've been breaking and weeping as He saw His beautiful daughter in so much pain and giving up hope. Yet He knows best of all how it felt to give up His own beloved son, Jesus Christ, so that we might have life. 

It's amazing to already see God's handiwork in the midst of devastation that I cannot comprehend. Jocelyn saved three lives with her organs. And more than just physical lives, spiritual lives are being changed and saved- the most important of all. Thousands of kids who knew Jocelyn heard God's message of love at her memorial and many people are coming to know Jesus as their Savior through this. He is drawing to Himself even close family members of Jocelyn's. From all the way across the country from where she lived, 50+ jr highers gathered in prayer for her this past week at our church and were broken and touched, reminded of the reality of eternity and our need for the One Love that satisfies. My heart is more passionate than ever and filled with joy to love Jesus with every bit of my being and to love people. What a GOOD God. Thank you, Lord. And thank you for forever holding Jocelyn in your arms of love. I can't wait to see her again when I finally get to meet you face to face. Yet I know that the pain of her absence will never cease, and I must trust You to carry her precious family every step of the way. They need You more than ever before, sweet Jesus. So desperately, so earnestly, every moment. Please please uphold them and wrap Your loving arms around them. Give them each next breath and the strength when they feel as if they're crumbling. Overwhelm them with Your comfort in the deepest corners of their hearts. Please shower them with You, with Your nearness, Your touch, Your love. Oh precious Lord, I lack the words of what to say or pray or cry out. But You know, you intercede on their behalf. Thank you Father.

"Christ Jesus is the one who died- more than that, who was raised- who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?... For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord". Romans 8:34-35b and 38-39